How can you retrain a habit? First, don't try to change every bad habit at once. You'll only overwhelm yourself.
Begin by picking your top three bad habits. Ask yourself to pick three things that you're doing on a regular basis, that if you stopped doing, would most improve the quality of your life. Or conversely, ask yourself to identify three things that you're not doing, which if you began to do, would most improve the quality of your life.
Your answers to these two questions become the first few habits that you tackle.
Next, realize that merely removing a bad habit is incredibly hard, but replacing a bad habit with a good habit is surprisingly easy. I mean, if you simply tell yourself to not do something, you'll baulk. You needs to do something, and being told to do nothing creates a void. But if you give yourself an alternative action each time a habit wants to take over, then it's just a matter of time before that new action becomes the new habit.
So, in order to remove a bad habit, you need to imagine some good habit that you'd like to replace it with. And once you have both the good habit and the bad habit in mind, switching them is just a matter of repetition.
Affirmations are the best tools for retraining yourself. Suppose, for example, that you have "a habitual negative thought pattern" that you want to retrain. Let's say that you have the habit of calling yourself lazy. You know as long as you keep saying you're lazy, you will probably continue to excuse your laziness. So, you decide to change the pattern. You use the SPAR technique. SPAR stands for:
Stop-catch yourself in the old pattern and stop yourself.
Physicalize-give yourself a mental shake.
Affirm-replace the old pattern with the new pattern. (i.e. old thought with new thought, old action with new action)
Reward-reward yourself for doing the new action.
Let me show you how it works.
First, you catch yourself thinking, "I'm lazy," so you say to yourself, "STOP!"
Second, you interrupt your physical pattern. You might shake your head, touch your chest, snap your fingers, or stand up-anything that grabs your attention.
Third, you affirm the opposite of your laziness by saying an affirmation. Affirmations should be present tense, active, emotional, believable, and accountable. Something like, "I am capable of doing something great right now." Or, "I choose my actions and I am responsible for my choices. I can choose to be anything that I want." Whatever feels right for you.
Fourth, you immediately reward yourself for making a more positive choice. You might try treating yourself to something tasty, or taking a walk, or giving yourself a pat on the back, or even doing a little "happy dance." Whatever makes you feel good.
Animal trainers have known for a long time, that whatever we reward, we tend to repeat. We naturally avoid what we associate with pain, while we naturally seek what we associate with pleasure. Therefore, always reward yourself and take pleasure in a job well done, and never reward yourself for letting yourself down. In other words, if you stopped rewarding your "laziness" with a tub of ice cream, you might start feeling "lazy" less often.
Here's how "rewarding what you want" actually works. Whenever you catch yourself unconsciously reaching for an unearned treat, you tell yourself, "STOP." Next, you pull your hand away and ask yourself, "What am I going to do to earn this treat?" After you have completed the task that you've assigned yourself, you have your treat. This technique works when you're teaching children as well, and it's the secret to developing self-discipline.
I once had a student who hated cleaning, but loved watching TV. Her television was taking over her life, and she admitted that her home was in danger of health code violation. She felt caught in a useless cycle. Now, she only watches television as a reward for cleaning her house, or keeping her goals. She tells me that she actually enjoys the television she does watch more because she's now earning her right to watch it. What's more, she's actually watching it in a home that feels clean, comfortable and cozy.
Here is another example of the SPAR technique:
You catch yourself becoming angry with your kids, and you know that if you don't calm down, you'll probable make things worse and not handle the situation effectively.
You say to yourself, "STOP!"
You take a deep breath to interrupt your physical pattern.
You affirm, "I choose not to get upset. I'm in control, and I can find a creative way to approach this dilemma. This situation doesn't have to affect my mood."
You start to laugh. Laughter is always a great reward. And once you've calmed down, you'll be able to deal with your kids' behavior strategically, without anger. You might even try to rehearse the new behavior before you encounter the old situation, since our habits tend to engulf us in the heat of the moment.
This SPAR technique works; but only if you consistently make the correction every time you catch yourself in the old pattern. Keep working at the change. You will find that within twenty-one days, the new habit will take over, and you will have effectively retrained yourself. Strangely enough, the cells in your skin are replaced every twenty-one days or so. I don't think it's a coincidence. You are not your skin. You are not your habits. You are, in fact, the trainer of your habits-but only if you take the time to train your habits consistently...
Bad Habits - A Simple Technique That Can Help You Retrain Them Check For The New Release in Health, Fitness & Dieting Category of Books NOW!
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From A River Worth Riding: Fourteen Rules for Navigating Life, by Lynn Marie Sager Copyright 2005
You can find more about this topic on Navigating Life's website. Simply go to [http://www.navigatinglife.org] and visit the Galley for links to our full articles.
Lynn Marie Sager has toured over two-dozen countries and worked on three continents. Author of A River Worth Riding: Fourteen Rules for Navigating Life, Lynn currently lives in California; where she fills her time with private coaching, public speaking, and teaching for the LACCD and Pierce College. She runs the Navigating Life website, where she offers free assistance to readers who wish to incorporate the rules of worthwhile living into their lives. To read more about how you can use these rules to improve your life, visit Lynn's website at [http://www.navigatinglife.org]
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